I know that on Mondays I wanted to start doing updates on my water challenge. But after last week, this blog needed to be written instead. I can give an update on the water challenge. Last week sucked and I didn’t meet my goal once. As the week progressed I was faced with the cold hard truth. I am not okay.
What Happened?
To be honest, last week was the worst week I have had in a really long time. I hit rock bottom emotionally. Sometimes it was easy to cover up and pretend everything was okay in front of others. The one thing that happened regularly though – I broke down. 5 out of 7 days I had moments of just crying uncontrollably. I felt empty, tired and just done with everything. Getting out of bed was a huge chore. Looking at my phone meant a possible new reason to cry. There was even one day that week where I was ready to call someone else in for my shift because I didn’t have the mental capacity to work. However, the stress of not having enough money won out and I went to work anyway. And yes, I did cry in the office.
Burned Out
I’m tired you guys. So tired. Trying to make enough hours work to get a decent paycheck, working 6-7 days a week since I got back from Calgary. It’s a lot. I’m drained and I do not feel like I have anything else to give. Slow down. That’s what everyone says. It’s what I tell myself. Then I look at the board in my room where I wrote down all my debt and say I can’t. I stress about how many groceries I can buy each week. Another bill gets sent my way and I break down and cry. My bank account is a revolving door for my money. So, I try harder. I work more hours, plan more blogs, and think of more ways to make money. Yet, I have no more energy to give.
I’m Not Okay
I wake up each day and tell myself to suck it up. The only person who put me in this predicament is me. But I have to be honest with myself. I’m not okay. There is no point in pretending that I am. It’s too exhausting. However, sitting in self pity and depression is also not the answer. It’s okay to not be okay. I shouldn’t have to stress about how to fake being okay that day. So, what can I do? How can I get better and move from “not okay” to “I’m going to make it”?
Taking Care of Myself
First, I need to have a lot of grace for myself. In the past I played fast and loose with my money. I didn’t care how expensive something was. If I wanted to treat myself or my friends, I was going to. Now I know better. Instead of letting my ADHD control me, I’m learning to control it. I make grocery lists of things I need, and I stick to them. When I see something I want I tell myself not yet, instead of no. With hotel work, I’m making a plan on how to get my hours without burning out. My blogs, honestly, are the least stressful part of my life right now. The only stress it has created was when my site was down for an update and I freaked out because I couldn’t access it. On my one year anniversary of blogging of course. To be clear, I was already not okay and didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was I couldn’t access my site and I broke.
I’m Not Okay, But I Will Be
I might not be okay right now, but this is temporary. Last week was rough, and I do still feel drained from it. Crying is exhausting after all. But this is a new week, a new start. I make new goals, and think of new ways to take care of myself in this season of exhaustion that I’m in. If I do one fun thing a week, something that brings me joy once a day, I will make it. And I need to have patience with myself. Just take it one day at a time, and I’ll be okay.
Are You Okay?
How are you doing? Is your mental health okay? Are you taking care of yourself and your needs? Or are you burnt out, exhausted and stressed? Perhaps you’re in a season of depression. First thing’s first. If you’re not okay, you need to admit that you’re not okay. And second, tell someone. Find someone you can trust and let them know what’s going on. After that, make a plan. Don’t sit there and wait for someone else to solve your problems. We have to put in the work. It’s hard, yes. But the reward is worth it, don’t you think? Let’s take care of our mental health this year and let’s see what happens when we try.
