Today, I don’t have a happy blog. This is not how I wanted to start the week, but here we are. Yesterday was a hard day. Things were happening that were perfect opportunities for the devil to whisper his lies to me. It came to a climax today and a friendship ended. My heart is broken and the only way I know how to process this is through the blog.
The Hard Day
Out of respect to the people involved, I will not share names or go into too much detail. The first upset was something that would usually not bother me. However, with my period on the horizon, my hormones made it an emotional thing. I cried when normally I wouldn’t have given it a second thought after a solution was made. The devil whispered his lies. Then, while I battled with this a close friend addressed me and some others about where she isn’t happy with our friendships and asked us to pray about a solution. It started a conversation in the group chat, that I couldn’t really take part in, other than trying to keep up. I also couldn’t process what was happening because I was working. My shift ended late, so it wasn’t something I could deal with yesterday. More lies from the devil filled my head.
The Lies
You might be wondering what lies the devil bombarded me with. How did I know they were lies? Because God would never say those things to me or about me. The first lie was that I couldn’t do anything right. I wrestled with this and then the chat in the friend group started. The conversations and the fact that I was already mentally exhausted was the perfect storm for the devil. I can almost picture him dancing in delight. The next lies that bombarded me were I’m a terrible Christian and a terrible friend. Remember, I was at work. I couldn’t process what was happening and reached out to friends not involved in the current chat, asking for prayer. And because they love me, they prayed and I felt the enemy growing weaker and the lies getting quieter.
Friendship Ended
That leads to today. After a good night’s sleep, I was able to read through the messages again and slowly begin to process. To help with this, I spent time in devotions, praying and asking God what to do. I felt encouraged to encourage this friend and share my fears and heart about the situation. So, I did. She thanked me for the encouragement, but said she felt that our friendship needed to end. I felt my heart break, but I was not alone when I got this news, so I couldn’t, again, process what was happening. After my guest left, and I was alone, reality hit me and I broke down and cried. I let my heart cry out. I needed to feel, to process and to grieve.
No Hate for a Friendship Ended
There are no negative feelings here. I did reach out to the other friends in the group and let them know, but asked them to not let it affect their decision on whether to stay friends with her or not. One of my other friends shared that she had received the same message. Again, we asked the other friend to not let this affect her decision. She agreed not to and that she would continue to pray like this girl wanted. I honestly wish the best for this woman. There is no ill will towards her. A part of me believes that she made this decision a long time ago, and she sort of admitted to the fact. I can’t control her, and do not wish to. Instead, I pray that she surrounds herself with the people she needs in her life and that she receives many blessings in her life. I pray for her life to be filled with joy, love and peace. I do not hate her, but still love her. In fact, I love her enough to let her go, as she believes that is best for her right now.
Brokenhearted but Healing
I praise God for the work he has done in my heart. In the past, I’m ashamed to say, I would have set out to hurt her. Not physically, of course, but like she hurt me. Her name would have been in this blog, and I would have ranted about her to everyone. Instead, I now ask for prayer for my heart to heal, and for blessings in her life. I thank God for that. Maybe one day our paths will cross and we can try again, or maybe this is the end of our story together until we reunite in Heaven. I don’t know, but I’ll leave it in God’s hands. He is in control and even though I don’t understand why this friendship had to end, I do know that it is for a reason. So, I pray for both of us to find joy and to heal from this. And maybe we can be friends again one day. Anything is possible, and God knows best.
I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt and it is my prayer that you heal and continue to seek Gods guidance in your life and your decisions and your friends. It’s hard but we are able to disagree and still love. Maybe this is a test to encourage you to lean on God and trust Him even when it hurts and you don’t understand.
Love you Steph
Thank you. As much as it hurts losing a friend, I’m extremely grateful for the friends I still have. And for my family. There are still people who want me in their life and I am grateful for the time I had with this friend as well.