I Can

First, let me apologise for not putting out a blog on Monday. There’s been a lot going on mentally for me. My personal life has taken a hit or two as well and if I’m being honest, I’m just done. I feel completely spent and yet, I see a light. Sometimes it feels like life is trying to push me down and say I can’t. Well I’m here to say I can!

You Can’t

There are a lot of things I want to do. I have places I want to go, things I want to see or experience, and I can’t. With my debt as high as it is and my savings as low, it just isn’t attainable to do all the things right now. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to the voice inside telling me I can’t. Now, I’m not talking about being reckless here. No, I’m talking about using that to drive me forward. Let me explain.

I Can. Just Watch

For as long as I can remember I’ve had the attitude that if someone told me I can’t do something it made me more determined. “I can and I will” would become my inner mantra. Now, usually that mantra would get quieter and quieter until I believed the voice saying I can’t. Which is disheartening. Yet, right now my mantra is screaming inside and driving me full force in the direction I want it to go. I can feel the determination inside me growing with each repeat. Every time I tell myself “I can and I will” I can feel my determination grow. This time I will do what I am planning and that voice saying I can’t will not win.

The Goal

So, you’re probably wondering what the heck am I trying so hard for. Publishing a book? Buying a house or a new car? Starting a YouTube channel? Well, these are things I want. Absolutely things I want to strive for. However, none of these are what I have my eyes fully fixed on, at the moment. My goal is to go on a road trip in May. I want to drive and travel a bit of Canada, get lots of content for my blogs, and just take a breather from the autopilot of life. There has to be something more exciting than what I’ve got going on right now. I work, eat, sleep and repeat. This is also why my blogs are taking a hit. I have nothing to write about. So, that’s the goal.

Hurdles I Can Overcome

Now, I’m not being dumb about it. I know that it’s a financial investment that I’m going for. It’s going to cost money. So, I have made a list of things that I have to complete, and I’ve given myself a deadline on when to complete that list. For privacy reasons, I won’t share the list in detail, but I can tell you a brief overview of it. I have to have a certain amount of debt paid off, I need a certain amount in savings, a certain number of hours banked, and I have to have this all done by March. Why then? Because that’s when I want to finalise everything and start planning where to go and what to do. A big part of my itinerary is to go see my mom in Alberta for Mother’s Day. My birthday is also around that time, and it’s been years since I’ve been able to do something with my mom for my birthday. But, I can feel the determination and it is louder than the procrastination in me. I can overcome these hurdles and I will!

Never Give Up

Sometimes there are people, or even yourself telling you that you can’t do something. In some cases we need to listen to the voices because they’re trying to protect us from doing something dumb. Other times we can use those voices to drive us. And it is important to know the difference. I’m not saying I know the difference yet. Perhaps all this determination will be good and help me overcome a lot. Or, it could hurt me. But, right now I’m going to use it. If I don’t give myself a direction to aim at, I’ll die. Not literally, but inside. And with each hurdle that I cross off the list, I know I’ll be encouraged. As much as I want to go on this road trip, I know I’ll be happy with just having a goal, a purpose, again. Yes, if I can publish a book within that time, that will come first. But having a goal, an aim, that is what will give me life again. Anything can happen, if I try.