I’m going to be honest. Last week was rough on my mental health. I could feel it declining as the week went by. I briefly mentioned it last week, but I want to share what’s been going on lately. Keeping everything bottled up inside is not healthy. I’m exhausted and this is why.
How it started
I think it all started at the beginning of September. My roommate had moved out and I was having some problems with my landlord. Where he should have been understanding, I was getting a lot of grief. This happened after I told him I would not be able to afford the lease renewal after all. For those who are wondering, I signed the renewal, reevaluated my finances, and tried to cancel right after. The property manager said it was no problem and cancelled my renewal. However, my landlord has been giving me a lot of grief about it. This did not help my stress levels.
And it continues
My stress grew more at work. As I’m the assistant manager in charge of the schedule, it’s my job to try to give everyone the hours they need, but not schedule everyone in a way where the owners can’t afford to pay us all. The hotel is a small independent hotel, and we are still reeling from the pandemic. Business has been picking up, which is great, but we don’t exactly get a lot of money when everyone wants discounts, and prices for everything are rising. And let’s be real, where I live is not a tourist hot spot. On top of all that, I have to make sure my hours are high enough so that my paychecks can support me for the remainder of my current lease, which ends at the end of November.
Let’s add some more
I’ve shared that my YouTube channel will be launching in October. To be honest, I’m not sure how early that will happen. Finding time or energy to film anything has been a challenge. Plus, my Arbonne challenge has also taken a blow because I’m just too tired to do that. Even writing blogs has been challenging as I try to fit those in. My novel, the one that you’re not reading, is all but forgotten. Between all my projects and working full time at the hotel, and planning to move into the hotel in November, I’m exhausted.
Exhausted
Now, when I say exhausted, I don’t just mean physically. A nap would help with that. I’m exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. This month I’ve already had two break downs where I just sat and cried because I didn’t have the energy, or strength, to keep it together. Some days I just want to scream. Most days I just want to stay in bed. “That sounds like depression.” You’re right, that is a symptom. I have acknowledged that and I know that I need to find a way to slow down. It’s time for me to take some time for self care.
Getting out of exhaustion
Honestly, I don’t have much of a plan. Two of my friends and I have an accountability group. We make goals for the week, share when we are struggling, and encourage each other. They both encouraged me to make my goals for this week all self care focused. So, that’s where I’m going to start. I’m not sure what that will look like just yet, but I know I need to do something. I can’t have another week like that. I still plan to launch the channel in October, but I may have to settle with just a few short videos to start out. I’ll need to build up from there.
Wish me luck
So, that’s my update. I plan to take care of my mental health and get myself in a better head space. It’s okay for me to slow down and take care of myself. This is something I need to acknowledge, accept, and live out. I’m not a machine and I need to stop acting like I am. So, wish me luck and I’ll try to keep you updated on what’s going on. How are you doing? Is your mental health doing okay, or are you struggling? I hope my blog has encouraged all of you to take a deep breath and take care of yourselves. We will be okay. Together, we can beat mental illnesses. Anything can happen if we try.
